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About My Brain
Where we are at now
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Friends Only Journal. Many brain explosions inside. Do not enter if you are easily offended or think that life is just a bit of roses. You have been warned in advance. Any violation of the rules I set aside, and you will be immediately evicted and banned. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jan. 1st, 2022 @ 10:38 pm Open, unlocked post for any and all to see
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Stillbirth Awareness
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if you are currently on my FL, and want off, go ahead an remove me. this doesnt just apply to now, but to always. I will even date this so it will be the first entry anyone sees when they look at my journal. I know some may be uncomfortable with what I talk about in my journal, or perhaps we had a butting of heads at some point that soured your perception of me, or whatever. Whatever the reason may be that you want off, feel free to de-friend me, no questions asked, I dont demand an explanation.

If you are someone who saw me elsewhere on livejournal/the internet, and you want on my friends list leave a comment simply saying how you found me, and chances are good I will add you back. Most entries are friends locked, mostly the ones that are personal to me or I dont want flaunted all over the intertubes.

if you want to know something, and are not comfortable saying what you want to in my journal, feel free to e-mail me at jkathy_26 at yahoo dot com
Dec. 8th, 2009 @ 04:55 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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years and years and YEARS ago, when i was still a kid, my mom had helped start up an on-line group. My mom was one of the 'founding mothers', so to speak.
Today, on facebook, one of her old friends from the group contacted me. She remembers me, and my brothers and my father, and every year at Christmas they say a prayer in memory of my mother.

I am in shock. this is... AMAZING.
Oct. 14th, 2009 @ 10:32 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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Wound up having to go to wal-mart today, since we were just about out of bread, and I was out of pepsi. Told my dad i was ready whenever he is, grabbed the reusable bags, walked the 80 some odd feet to the other end of the house to say bye to Jim, walked back to the front door, grabbed my purse, cell, etc, and went out to the van to wait for my dad. about.. 10? 20? minutes later he finally comes out "I thought we were bringing the kids with us. why didnt you say the kids weren't coming?" um, if i say i am ready to go, and you see the kids arent dressed... isnt that a CLUE that they arent coming? or am i like, never allowed to go out without the kids? seriously??

So, we go to wal-mart, go our separate ways... i swear, was today the day to take little babies out or something? everywhere i turned, there were women holding/carrying their little ones. And then I had to pass by the infant clothes section, and no matter how hard i tried to divert my eyes, i still saw all these adorable little clothes. Go down the fabric aisle, because i told EJ sometime soon i;d make him a finding nemo blanket.. and i saw the sweetest fabric for a blanket for a baby, and cool skulls with pink bows fabric that would have been great for making a skirt/dress for a little girl.

It just seemed like everywhere i turned, there was another reminder that I dont have my daughter anymore, i will never get to carry her around and have people coo over how cute she is, never be able to sew cute outfits for my baby girl, or make blankets for her, or anything.

Tomorrow, October 15, is Stillbirth and Infant Loss remembrance day. At 7:00pm your local time, light a candle in memory of all the little ones that have been lost, all the babies that will never grow up.
Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 06:54 pm Ask me!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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OK, i figured I would do this... ask me anything you want to know about me. I will answer as honestly as I can. You can ask logged in as yourself, or anonymously (i will make sure IP logging is turned off). I am in a mood right now, so i figure I will allow everyone to ask whatever they want to know about me.
Sep. 20th, 2009 @ 02:55 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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Went shopping yesterday for some stuff needed for school. dry erase board, some flash cards, etc.Still about 5 million flash cards that will be needed through the year, but i got ones that will be needed NOW (for the most part).
Almost set to start with the proper books tomorrow. i just need to make photocopies of worksheets, and clear off the table, and then we should be set.
Since we had almost 2 weeks off since they screwed up and sent us the wrong books at first, we will have to do a little extra each week as 'catch up', like maybe work monday-saturday each week for a bit.. or perhaps instead of having a 'Christmas break' we will do work.
Sep. 18th, 2009 @ 03:04 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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Got Ej's kindergarten books yesterday (finally!) so Monday we start back up with school, and will just have to push ourselves a bit to be done by the deadline of when to send in the 1st semester's work. So, this weekend, I will have to look through the books, photocopy the worksheets, etc.
Oh well. i will be glad to start up... it will prove as a distraction and keep me from thinking.
Sep. 2nd, 2009 @ 04:34 pm Getting ready to start school...
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Stillbirth Awareness
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Ej's school stuff arrived today. Eep! I spent about an hour looking through the workbooks, teacher guides, and at the parent's binder. But i need to look at it more thoroughly, and prepare myself. So, i will do that after dinner, once Jim is home and can occupy the kids so i can do it.

I need to clear a place at the table for Ej to work without distraction. Kinda wish we had a desk for him to sit at instead, or a place other than the dining room (like a little school room) so he isnt distracted by outside forces. but, that will come in time.

So, tomorrow (hopefully) Ej will start school. he will officially be a schoolboy. My lil big man.
Aug. 19th, 2009 @ 01:20 pm ARGH!!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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OK, ready for more drama? well here goes!!

May 5, I ordered a double stroller on-line (you guys remember me mentioning this). The Bumbleride Indie twin. I ordered it on-line, from Comfort1st.com, through the AAFES.com. So it came to $626.99 with FREE SHIPPING! it was on backorder, fine. June 19, when we got home from the hospital, we saw an e-mail stating that the stroller had shipped. we contacted Comfort1st and asked if they could somehow call it back, as we didnt need it anymore, our baby had died, etc. They quickly responded saying they put in to intercept the package and have it sent back to them, but if that failed an UPS still delivered it to us, all we had to do is refuse the package.
By the beginning of July, they had the stroller back at their warehouse, but the money had not been credited back to our credit card. OK, it will take some time... so we wait, and wait. By about August 10th? the money STILL wasnt back on the card. So I contacted them, gave them all the information, and asked when will we get our money back? they responded that we will have the money back within 48 hours.
Check the credit card on-line today, and they credited $556.99 back to us. thats $70 less than they charged us! So, Jim calls the customer service line, and explains to them what is going on. And what do they terll him? "Oh, that $70 is shipping and handling! You dont get that back!" Jim points out we didnt PAY any shipping and handling. and they essentially told us 'too bad so sad'

copy/paste of the reciept under the cut
( clicky for reciept )
Aug. 18th, 2009 @ 12:26 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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We bought a boat last week, so Sunday we went out on the lake. I had fun just riding around, seeing the sights (like about 15 trees growing in the middle of the lake!) tried to do a bit of fishing, but the boys werent too interested. oh well. We may go back out this weekend. Only problem is I got a wicked sunburn on my shoulders, but I'll live. My own damn fault, after all ;)

Last week, after story time, the children's libarian ran up to me and handed me a card, saying "we were all so sorry to hear about what happened!" Yep, news finally got out that we lost Kathryn. I had told like, 3 women at story time when they asked about the baby, and they must have passed on word to the librarians. :| Kinda annoyed me because these women dont really know me, dont know much about me, so it came off as.. i dunno, lip service? But oh well. One way I know they dont really know me? The card was writted to "Janet" when anyone who knows me knows i go by "Katie" when at all possible. the moms probably simply told the librarian that "EJ and Connor's mommy lost her baby" and they looked up my info in the computer. Blah.

Jim has been woking on putting up the shop. Tough going because he isnt getting much help from the guys who are SUPPOSED to be helping him. so hard to buld something all by yourself. Oh well. :|


Other than that not much happening here. Just.. dont feel like doing much, dont feel like going out much, just dont want to do ANYTHING.
Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 06:45 am I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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How I be feeling: depressed
What I be listenting to: Last Day on Earth- Green Day
tired, but cant sleep. slept for maybe 5 hours last night. hopefully i can manage to pass out again for a couple hours soon.

My best friend Sandy, who I have known since we were in first grade, and is a sister to me, drove down from michigan to be here for me. i am so happy she did.. i dont think i could manage alone.

Today, we bury little Kathryn. Jim spent all day yesterday getting the burial site ready. This is going to be so hard. this should never have happened.

I really wish this was all just a bad dream.
May. 29th, 2009 @ 07:03 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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ugh. Just finished eating dinner and suddenly I *HURT*. pain in my back nearly to my shoulder blades, a bit of pain in various parts of my belly (like a knife being poked into me), as well as pain.. elsewhere. This just came all of the sudden as i finished eating dinner. did i eat too much?? i dont know, but UGH! Ej is being sweet and rubbing my back for me as i try to relax and make the pain go away. I want to take a shower, but I'm afraid I wouldnt be able to keep standing with this pain!
May. 29th, 2009 @ 02:19 pm I forgot a subject!
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Saphira
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We have CHICKENS!!! yay chickens! hehe
technically we have had chickens, but they were being kept at our friend's house across from our property. but his yard has been perpetually muddy with all this rain, so the chickens were unhappy and not laying much... SOOOOO we built a chicken coop and brought them over here! we have 11 at the moment, but still have to pick up more from the friend's house.
Ej has gone out to 'meet' the chickens, see that they are nice and wont try to eat him up... his job is going to be feeding them and gathering the eggs, so we wanted to show him they wont start pecking at him as soon as he goes into the coop or anything.
May. 22nd, 2009 @ 04:41 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
bite me
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Once again, didnt sleep good. When i awoke at about 5am to go to the bathroom, i had a feeling liek someone jabbed a knife into my stomach and then cut around to my back. fun fun :( then i couldnt fall back to sleep for another hour and a half or so, and woke up earlier than usual.
Took the kids out to play but was having to run into the house to pee every like, 5 minutes, so after 3 hours I gave up and we came in.
Got some of that Bullfrom Moquito Coast (or whatever it is called... teh Bullfrog DEET free bug repellent and sunblock in one) and I think i am allergic to it, because my arms and legs are itchy and kinda splotchy looking today. UGH :(

Here endeth my whining.
May. 18th, 2009 @ 04:20 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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Well, living room and kitchen are vacuumed.. maybe not the most thorough job, but better than they were! LOL. Also cleaned the windows in the living room, and the TV screen and computer monitors. When my steam cleaner gets here i can clean the filthy couch (seriously, the thing is GROSS!).
Got my hospital bag packed, so i am ready if this kid decides to come early. Jim will build the cradle soon, so i have a safe place for baby to sleep. He also needs to make a frame for our bed because being 35 weeks pregnant and sleeping on a mattress on the floor is getting to be a real pain, in more ways than one!
Still dont have any boys names picked out, in case this kid is a boy. We just cannot come to an agreement :\ namely because there are simply NO names we really love. blah.
Also need to figure out who is going to watch the boys when its time for us to go to the hospital.
Jim should be able to start building his shop soon... he's getting lumber cheap from someone who has like, 4 tractor trailer loads of lumber or something.. so since with all this rain Jim hasnt been able to cut and dry lumber, he will buy it, and build the shop. Once the shop is built, he can build the house. YAY!
May. 17th, 2009 @ 07:57 pm I forgot a subject!
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Brothers
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Ah, my helper is at it again.. Ej is chasing Connor around the house trying to wash his face, and Connor is having none of that.

Is it bad that i am sitting here laughing instead of trying to make it easier on EJ?
May. 15th, 2009 @ 12:50 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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Well, got EJ and Connor's carseats moved... next is to put the new car seat in, but I need to take a rest. Who knew moving carseats would take so much out of you?
Also need to get the living room picked up and vacuumed, but the kids can do that :P I mean heck, its THEIR toys on the floor! and as far as teh vacuuming, they have a new little Dirt Devil Dynamite that is just the right size for them, and it does a great job of getting the dirt up off the floor.

Last night Jim mentioned to our on-line poker buddies that i went to bed early to try to lie down and rest, since I was having some contractions, and they were all freaking out, expecting him to drop off-line at any minute, asking him if he had to leave for the hospital now. LOL its so cute. We have been playing with these guys every night for a couple months, and most of them are going to try to come out here for a visit the last full week of June. of course, i find it ironic that when jim makes friends on-line, he has no problem with them calling us, coming to visit, talking about going to visit them... yet when its just me that makes on-line friends, who I chat with for YEARS, Jim groans if i mention plans to try to get together with them and visit, saying 'you dont REALLY know them, they are just people from on-line. they could be lying about who they are!!' or some other such BS. but, I'll let it slide. Till the next meet-up is planned, that is ;)
May. 14th, 2009 @ 08:50 pm I forgot a subject!
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Stillbirth Awareness
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I have just been informed that my on-line mommy group (we all have babies that had been due April of 2007, and had been planning to have a natural childbirth) are throwing me an on-line baby shower. Which is REALLY sweet of them! I have no clue what they would possibly give me, LOL so despite the shower not being a surprise, the gifts sure will be ;)

Also, went ahead and ordered the 2009 Bumbleride indie Twin double jogging stroller last week. YAY! but its on backorder (BOO!!!) so it wont get to us until like, july? But oh well. Its an AWESOME looking stroller and I will be so happy when it gets to us! lol.
May. 14th, 2009 @ 02:59 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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Well, set up an appointment with a dr for next week. After having to deal with the lady who answered the phone call me nuts for trying to find a new dr at 34 weeks. Is that a bad omen?

trying to rest a bit and not stress out... really, i just want to lie in bed and rest and make these f'ing braxton hicks contractions go away, but no time to rest. I need to find a bag and pack it for the hospital, put in the new carseat (since Jim gets confused with the LATCH anchors and all), figure out who will watch the boys when it is time to go to the hospital... ugh! just hope that this time around i am not in labor for 38 hours like i was with Connor.
May. 13th, 2009 @ 06:59 pm rambling
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Stillbirth Awareness
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So, yesterday Jim called the hospital's physician referral line, and they suggested a dr. had to wait till after lunch to call the dr's office, so 1:30.. talk to the person on the phone, explain the situation. After taking all my info she says "OK, well the dr doesnt usually take new patients at 34 weeks, but I will talk to him and the nurse and call you back this afternoon". never got a call yesterday afternoon, never got a call today. fucking doctors. its not like i could forsee this BS happening, ya know?

Went to the store today (WITHOUT KIDS! its a miracle!) and after walking around Wal-mart for.. i dunno, an hour and a half? 2 hours? I hurt worse than usual. Also started contracting. Wonderful. Nothing major, but enough to hurt every now and then. get home and put groceries away, and try to sit on the couch and just rest. Connor insisted on climbing all over me, and seemed to know JUST where to put pressure to make me cry out in pain. I know he doesnt MEAN to hurt me, but DAMN! so then I lie down a bit, and he tries sitting on my belly. nearly had me in tears.

Jim thinks this baby is going to come in about 2 weeks. i think a bit closer to 3 weeks (i get the feeling the baby is going to come VERY close to our anniversary- May 30)

And thanks to all this rain, the grass has grown about 6 inches to a foot in a week. Poor Jim is never going to get caught up with everything he needs to get done!
Mar. 22nd, 2009 @ 11:07 am I forgot a subject!
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EJ
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EJ: Mommy, my face hurts
Me: What did you do?
EJ: I sneezed, and I was playing a game, and I sneezed and hit my face on the table
Me: *showing what a terrible mommy I am* *laugh so hard I cannot talk for a minute* well, you arent supposed to do THAT dummy!

Yes, I laugh at my child when he hurts himself. He laughed too. And when i told Jim about it, HE laughed.

So we are all going to hell.
Mar. 20th, 2009 @ 01:52 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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Well, had my midwife appointment today... Weight gain is right on (though i am not fond of gaining a pound a week up to this point. 28 pound weight gain in 27 weeks?? ugh!) baby is measuring right on track (27 centimeters exactly is the belly measurment at this point.) and great heartrate (I wanna say in the 160's? in the range that says "girl" if you wanna go by those old wives tales LOL). Next week i am to eat a nice big breakfast of pancakes with lots of butter and syrup, orange juice, all the unhealthy "not the way you shuold be eating" type stuff, and then Jim will check my blood sugar 2 hours after I eat, and call in the results.

Since thus far all signs are pointing to 'girl' its making me antsy to buy at least ONE cute girl outfit, but I am afraid that would jinx us. LOL. But seriously.. before getting pregnant, jim's aunt sent a card "Congratulations on your baby girl!", EJ is convinced that the baby in my tummy is 'baby sister' (refuses to even consider it may be a boy, he is SURE this is his baby sister!), plus the typical old wives tale garbage about heartrate determining gender... but, dont wanna get my hopes up (too late! they are up! lol)

Weather is kinda wacky around here... we'll have days in the 50's or 60's, then have a few days nearing 80, then back down into the 60's again. I cant wait for the weather to make up its mind so i know whether i need to find maternity capris now, or keep waiting! ugh! as it is, my maternity jeans are feeling a bit snug.

OK, i was going to say more but I have two little boys BEGGING to go outside and play. despite it being about 55 out there and me not really wanting to go outside. Oh well.
Feb. 7th, 2009 @ 09:32 am I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user="unrepentant">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO <lj-user="unrepentant">!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you have a good day, even if you have to make your own fun.
Feb. 6th, 2009 @ 07:54 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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trying to think up names for the new baby. Intend for it to be a surprise as to whether I am having a boy or a girl... we already have a girl's name picked out, but I told Jim it would be a good idea to have a boys name, no matter how SURE Jim and EJ are that this kid will be a girl.

Just wondering, for curiosity;s sake, what yall think of a kid having 2 middle names (so _____ ______ ______ Ford)? What about calling a kid by their middle name rather than their first name? (so kid is named A B C Ford, and we call them B)?


Your answers wont really affect what we decide on, I was just wondering what everyone's opinions were
Jan. 27th, 2009 @ 05:51 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Stillbirth Awareness
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My LiveJournal Sitcom
momofquacker's House (ABC, 12:30): momofquacker (Mary Stuart Masterson) buys bananas instead of spoons, ruining unrepentant (Val Kilmer)'s day. That night, shunee (Keri Russell) breaks frightfulkarma (Suzanne Somers)'s old 100-meter-dash record, but nobody sees it happen. Also, cathygurly (Malcolm Gets) and bumblebee_1983 (Vivien Leigh) go waterskiing. That same day, thingswrong (Jane Krakowski) and sempereadem (Katie Holmes) raise swans. Afterwards, allisonbb (Kim Cattrall) and fanagle (Keifer Sutherland) build a shed at a restaurant. (Part 2 of 2.)
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)
Jan. 25th, 2009 @ 03:21 pm I forgot a subject!
What is this?
Saphira
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The kids have been sick pretty much all week. :( Connor threw up a little Tuesday morning, and has had diarrhea since. EJ has been throwing up 1-2 times a day since tuesday night/wednesday morning. Yesterday we thought he was all better because he had his energy back, a great appetite, etc... then after dinner he threw up *sighs* I hope he gets to feeling better soon!

birthday coming up. dont know what Jim has planned. And we need to start thinking of what to do for EJ's birthday.

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